Here are a few of my favorite quotes from Patti Smith:

“Be concerned with doing good work, make the right choices and protect your work.”

“It’s part of the package, we are born and we also have to die.  We’re going to be really happy and things are going to be really fucked up too. It’s all worth it.”

“We can unite as one people through technology.”

“Be happy.”

And here’s that scene from Parenthood, where Grandma tells her roller coaster story.  I can still hear the sounds of a roller coaster playing in background of my life. So great.

I like the rollercoaster, you get more out of it.

Connie Britton & Ed Burns in Fitzgerald Family Christmas

This Thanksgiving week holiday, I’ve watched Skyfall, Lincoln, Funny People,  The Five Year Engagement, Being John Malkovich and Fitzgerald Family Christmas.  I wonder what this collection of movies says about me.

I love movies. I love watching movies. I love reading about how movies are made.

I follow Edward Burns (Writer/Director of Fitzgerald Family Christmas) on twitter.  I started following him because he was so passionate and generous with his filmmaking ideas.

When I decided to write a screenplay last year, I studied Ed Burns. I now like to think of Eddie as my friend. My really smart, inspiring, prolific filmmaking buddy. He has a new film out right now and I want you to see it.  It’s a wonderful movie about forgiveness and healing and family. It’s funny too.  It made me laugh and cry.  It made me pick up the phone and call my family to tell them I love them.

It centers around the adult siblings of the Fitzgerald family as they deal with the news that their estranged father wishes to return home for Christmas for the first time since he walked out 20 years ago.

The matriarch, Rosie Fitzgerald declares, “When he walked out on this family 20 years ago, I told him he would never set foot in my house again, and I’m sticking to it.”

My favorite line in the movie is delivered by Caitlin Fitzgerald where she pleads for ”just one normal Christmas”.  How many times have my sister and I uttered those exact words? What does a “normal Christmas” look like? Does it even exist?

It seems society is constantly pushing a shiny, happy version of the holidays at us, which we, in turn, stress and strive to achieve.  I’ve never experienced the Hallmark Card Christmas or Thanksgiving.

 There are almost always bubbling emotions and drunken uncles around the table, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Fitzgerald Family Christmas feels like a version of my truth.  Good people doing the best they can to celebrate love and life together.  It’s not always easy or pretty.

I think Ed Burns is the Woody Allen of my generation.  His movies feel personal, real and hopeful to me.  It’s like he’s been peeping through the windows of my life, even though I’m not Irish or Catholic or a New Yorker.

  I hope you’ll support his wonderful, heartfelt movie by watching it with your family.

It’s out now on iTunes, Netflix, Amazon Instant Video and VOD with a limited theatrical release in   December.

Click here to watch Fitzgerald Family Christmas.

It’s so beautiful, if you look closely you can see my face in the painting and beautiful words like

Be still. Listen. Give your life meaning. This is the path for the courageous and faithful. Jump.

I can’t believe she did this for me. I’m moved to tears, so grateful.

Thank you Maureen! You are so talented.

He also happens to be one of the most generous, intelligent and thoughtful dudes I’ve ever met.

Brad shares his story of success and gives tips for finding work/life balance.  And my favorite story about when things go wrong;

“At least they can’t kill you and eat you”

Click here to listen to the interview.  Play

 Do or do not.  There is no try. – Yoda & Brad Feld

Day 21 – 19,092 words down 

I’m packing for the Sundance Film Festival! I can only imagine how disappointed I would be with myself if I hadn’t taken on this challenge and I was going back to Sundance without accomplishing much of anything this year.

I am so friggin’ happy that I finished the first draft of my very first screenplay.

One more look at the awesome-ness of the finished 1st Draft

And technically, I’ve finished the 2nd draft too.  I couldn’t wait to get back to it. Looking at Rich’s notes gave me tons of ideas.  I wrote 2 more scenes and now my word count is 19,081. So, I my initial “blind” calculation was off by 719 words (I should say ‘so far’ because I’m still editing).  And I am sure there will be plenty more edits.

The important thing is that this “blind” calculation and daily word goal gave me the structure to move forward every day, even though I wasn’t sure if I was doing it “right”.

As you can see from this blog series, I had many, many moments of doubt, ups and downs, weakness and strength, but the accountability (knowing that my friend, Melani was going to ask me if I had written each day), the very specific goal of writing 900 words per day and finishing my first screenplay before leaving for Sundance, kept me pushing through those moments when I wanted to watch movies or sleep or eat or quit instead of write.

Now I’m actually thinking about printing out the 2nd draft to show my filmmaker friend that’s staying with us in Sundance.  I know-big step, right?  We’ll see.  I’m not quite sure if I’m ready for any “non-husband-who-loves-me-and-knows-how-to-give-me-criticism” feedback yet.

But with each new pass through my screenplay draft, I gain more confidence.  I get a little more clear about who these characters are and the story I want to tell.  I know that my screenplay is getting better and better with each day.  My fragile ego gets stronger and more certain about what I’m doing here. It’s still a big risk, this is a man that’s read screenplays for big players in the industry.  But he is also a close friend and I can give him my speech about how to be gentle with me.

I have no idea what will happen with this screenplay.  Right now, I don’t even know what my next step is.  But I’m headed off to Sundance in 2 days with my first attempt in the bag and damn it sure feels good.

Post Script -  Total Words Written 19,461

It was an exhilarating feeling being at Sundance Film Festival this year with my first script in hand.  I let my filmmaker friend, Mike, who was staying in the same condo, read it.  It was a bit nerve wracking but very exciting. As I nervously handed over my screenplay, the thing I really wanted to know from Mike was if there was a glimmer of possibility for me as a screenwriter. I didn’t care if it was the greatest screenplay ever, I just didn’t want it to be the worst.

Would he say “Oh my god, this sucks so bad”? Or would he take me seriously?

Mike was still sleeping when I left for my first movie screening the next morning. I saw my husband around lunch time and asked tentatively “What did Mike think?” and my husband replied “He said he likes it” then blah, blah, blah. It didn’t really matter to me.  That’s all I needed to hear.

When I saw Mike later, he started his notes with, “Listen, you can write”.

He said this as if it were a “known fact”.  I can write. I should know that I can write. Right? And yet, it felt as if some switch was flipped inside me, I was now comfortable telling other people that I have, in fact, written a feature length screenplay.  And it might not be the shittiest screenplay in the history of the world.

Why did it take someone else’s acknowledgement (once again), for me to believe in my own ability? I wish I didn’t desperately need others to tell me I’m good.

I was surprised that three producers offered to read my script and give me notes.  I laughed when they offered, but I think they were serious.

Mike and I talked a lot throughout the week about ways to make the screenplay better.  He gave me many ideas to play around with. It was amazing to have someone, other than my husband, taking this screenplay seriously and talking about these characters like they mattered.

So now that I am back from the Sundance Film Festival and I have my very first screenplay under my belt, here’s what I’d like to share with you.

Anything is possible.  22 days seemed like a ridiculous goal a little over one month ago.   Imagine what you could create in the next 22 days if you just decided right now to go for it?

There were so many days when my Inner Critic almost got the best of me.  I wanted to quit. I was convinced that what I was writing was complete shit.  Embarrassing shit.  But that goal of just finishing it, no matter how awful it was pushed me through.

Having the specific goal of 900 words per day and the chart I created staring at me every day helped take away any excuses to goof off or skip a day. And it was great motivation to plug in the number of words I had written each day.

Here’s the finished chart/graph of exactly how many words I wrote each day.  It was thrilling to see how quickly the words added up by just keeping to my goal of at least 900 words per day.  Writing 900 words took me less than 2 hours on most days.  I was usually done with my goal before 10am.

So, that’s my screenplay journey so far.  I’ve decided to let it all marinate for a little while and get to work on completing a short film I wrote early last year.  I have never done that either (been a filmmaker).  I’m going to do it Ed Burnsie/gorilla style, using natural lighting and locations I can get for free. Using the resources I have, casting my friends & family, telling a story in a new way (new for me). It’s exciting and scary and I have absolutely NO IDEA what I’m doing.

I recently read this article from Ricky Gervais about fame.  I loved this part:

I used to be the laziest, least ambitious person I knew. Well, lazy in terms of work. Career success, if you will. I had artistic ambition, I guess, but being a working-class Brit I believed it was better to never try than to try, and run the risk of failing.

Writing and directing The Office was the first thing I ever tried my hardest at. The reward was revelatory.

At 40 I was addicted. Not to success. I was addicted to trying my hardest. That’s the reward in itself. It’s what life’s about. The struggle. It’s the only way you can be proud. You can’t be proud of luck.

I started late, sure. But it really is never too late. Now I seize the day. And I love that day much, much more. I’m a workaholic. But as Winston Churchill said, “If you find a job you really love, you’ll never work again.”

So, there it is.  That pretty much sums up what I’m feeling about writing my very first screenplay, filming my very first short film and embarking on a brand new journey.  I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing but I want to try my hardest.

It’s Never Too Late to Try Your Hardest, is it?

Day 20 - 

I printed out the screenplay yesterday.  I took a picture and texted it to my sister and a couple of friends.  It felt pretty cool.  Scary – but cool. They all asked to read it.  I told them I needed time.  I wasn’t ready for feedback yet.

As a writer, I’ve come to know my own quirky, creative process and the incredible vulnerability I feel about my craft. I’ve had to get over myself and my insecurities.  But it’s still a process.

I remember sending my first book proposal and some sample chapters to a “real” NY editor for the first time.  When she called and said, “You can write, Sandy”, the insecure seven year old inside of me jumped for joy.  I wonder if she knew how badly I needed to hear those words.

Even though my writing had been published in numerous local publications and several online magazines, it didn’t feel like I was a real writer until I sold my first book to a real publisher who paid me a real advance.

One of the things I’ve come to know about myself is that there is a process I need to go through with creative things.  At first, the project is like a newborn baby and I simply can’t bear to have anyone edit or criticize it.  During that time, I don’t share it with anyone.  I may mention what I’m working on and talk about certain inspirations and ideas, but I know I’m not ready for any feedback.  I need to keep it close to my heart and protect it…or protect me. I guess I’m protecting that soft, mushy, vulnerable part of myself.  If someone were to inadvertently show up and stomp all over it, the project might die during this phase.  It’s still extremely fragile. Eventually I will get to a place where it won’t matter what others say about my work and even harsh criticism won’t deter me from my goal, but in the beginning of something new, I need to keep it close and nurture it (and myself) very carefully.

My creative process looks something like this:

• keep creative project close, don’t share with anyone, don’t say it out loud.
• start to share the tiniest bit of the thought with my inner circle of trusted souls, get comfortable talking about it.
• work on creative project in private, edit, edit, edit.
• share creative project with my husband (who has been trained over 26 years how to give me feedback without crushing my soul) then some edit more.
• share creative project with close friends and trusted colleagues, more editing.
• share creative project with people in the industry that can give constructive feedback and edit even more.

As stated above, I’ve trained my husband, over our 26 years together, how to give me feedback.  After all of this time, I’ve learned how to express exactly what I need when I need it.  This knowledge has come from too many painful experiences when I would innocently and open-endedly ask, “What do you think?” about a new idea or project. The truth is, I didn’t really want to hear what he thought unless he planned on telling me how amazing and brilliant I was.  I was not ready for a critique or suggestions or editing of any kind.

My fragile ego would shut down at the first innocent suggestion and the project would be left to die.  My overly sensitive soul would only hear the things I did wrong. Then my Inner Critic (remember her?) would tell me “Why bother?” “You suck.”

I couldn’t get perspective.

I didn’t have any confidence in my craft.

I now have confidence in my writing abilities.  However, writing screenplays is very different from writing a non-fiction book, snappy magazine articles or a blog. I don’t have  any perspective about whether or not I “can do this” yet.  Therefore, I know I need to tread carefully in these coming days and make sure that I am very clear about whether or not I am open to feedback.

I know that my husband will be gentle with me, but I tell him anyway.  “Okay, I’m ready for you to read this thing. It’s a very, very, very rough first draft.  It’s very important that you are gentle in your feedback.  I do want to know if it really sucks and if it’s really boring, but you must find a way to tell me very gently.”

He agrees and I hand over my newborn baby screenplay with nervousness and trepidation.

I was surprised at how nervous I felt while Rich was reading it.  I found myself pacing around the house, trying to stay out of the room where he was reading.  I didn’t want to know how good (or how badly) it was going.  I just wanted to see his face when he was finished.

Rich walks into the room after a couple of hours, screenplay in hand, and says nonchalantly;  “I’m hungry, going to take a break.  It’s good.  I’ve made a few notes.  I’m only on page 19.”

Page 19????!!!!  Really??? Page 19???!  What took so long?? And now you’re going to take a break? Are you friggin’ kidding me? This is the last 10 years of my life, painstakingly arranged into detailed descriptions and captivating dialog spoken by well-crafted, multi-layered characters and you’re going to take a break after 19 pages????!!!!!

Well, that’s what I was thinking.  What I actually said aloud was; “You’re only on page 19, huh?” And I think I forced a little smile or smirk. It was absolutely awful.

Rich explained that he was going through it very slowly and carefully and really trying to give me good notes.

Whatever.

Rich finally finishes reading my screenplay around 9pm.

He tells me it is not the shittiest screenplay in the history of the Universe.

But he’s never read any other screenplay. So what does he know?  Answer = Nothing.

I am very happy that he didn’t hate it.  And he gave me some really good notes.  There is one major piece of my story that’s missing.  I kind of knew that.  I wasn’t sure until we talked about it where or how exactly I was going to tell that part of the story.  So now I have a better idea of where to go.  I feel like I’ve accomplished quite a lot already.

Technically, the first draft was printed out yesterday.  On Day 19.  But I really want to fill in these plot holes before I leave for Sundance.  It might mean putting in some extra time this weekend, but I’m excited about it.  I am inspired by Rich’s interest in my screenplay and feeling more and more confident about my screenwriting abilities.

In fact, I cannot wait to get back at it.  That’s encouraging, isn’t it? It’s been a long time since I felt this inspired by a writing project.  I’m still nervous about whether anyone who actually reads screenplays for a living would have any interest in this at all, but now is not the time to think about that.

Now it is time to begin editing and make it better.  First draft is done.  First person (albeit my dear husband) has read it and didn’t hate it.  These are all good first steps.

Next stop Sundance.  With one newly finished first screenplay ever.  Whoo hoo!

NEXT: It’s Never Too Late to Try Your Hardest- Click here* 

Day 19 -  I finished the first draft!!!!

I am printing it out as we speak, er, as I write this!  It’s short in the word count department, but the beginning and the end of my story met in the middle and the pieces are in place. It’s definitely a first draft.  A really rough first draft. I know that there are huge plot holes, (ha ha, plot holes, instead of potholes? Is that a thing people say in the screenplay business? If not they definitely should, it’s funny).

Anyway, the plot-holes will have to be repaired at some point, but for now I’m doing a little happy dance while my pages are printing out. Whoo-hoo!

I know it’s not very ‘green’ of me.  But I feel like I need to see it. Hold it. Touch it. Stare at it in all its glory.

It is a beautiful thing.

1st draft!!

So that’s what a screenplay looks like.

Now what?

First, a glass of champagne. A celebration. Holy shit. I did it. It might suck.  It might be the shittiest screenplay in the history of the Universe. But it’s MY shitty screenplay.  I wrote a screenplay.  I wrote a screenplay in 19 days! I finished it within the year.  I was inspired last year at Sundance Film Festival to finally write my screenplay and I did it.

I fucking did it.

Holy shit.

Now what do I do?

Edit. Edit. Edit.

NEXT: The Unbearable Heaviness of Editing- Click here*

Day 18 -  Wednesday 9:32am

I’m having trouble getting moving on the screenplay this morning.  Usually I’m done or almost done by now.  I haven’t even opened Final Draft yet.  I don’t want to.

Why?  Don’t feel like it.  It’s snowing outside and I just want to sit by the fire and watch movies all day.  I say to myself, “Sandy, you can write your 900 words first and still go sit by the fire and watch movies for the rest of the day.”

But my Self responds; “No, once Daughter #2 gets up, I have to help her to finish her school work before going to the Humane Society to do our 2 hour volunteer shift (with cats, which I am allergic to, which means I’ll come home all red-eyed and itchy and sneezy and need to lie down for 30 minutes at least to recover) then it will be time to get dinner started and Daughter #2 also has theater rehearsal tonight, so this is it.  These few precious moments when the house is quiet between Daughter #1 going off to school and Daughter #2 waking up and needing me are all I’ve got.”  Geez, my Self is pretty friggin’ convincing, isn’t she?

Procrastination. Avoidance. Laziness.  Whatever you want to call it, I’m an expert at it. When I heard this song by Bruno Mars, I laughed out loud.  It’s my official theme song on days like this.

How can I overcome my overwhelming desire to do absolutely NOTHING? How do I get my butt moving on my dreams and goals, when my butt weighs a thousand pounds and is sitting all warm and cozy by the fire?

What’s really going to make me happy?

All too often I choose things that seem like they will make me happy in the short-term, but long-term, not-so-much.  More times than I care to admit I’ve chosen things that made me short-term happy but long-term not-so-happy.

So, what’s really going to make me happy, long-term? I don’t think sitting around in my pajama’s all day will make me happy, as tempting as that sounds right now.  What I know for sure will make me long-term happy is to get off my ass and start writing so that I can put that big X on today’s calendar and get on with the rest of my day.

But right now, I just want to keep sitting on my couch and staring out the window at the snow and dreaming of what it might feel like to do absolutely nothing today.  Ahhhhhhhh.  Then I realize that if I did absolutely nothing, even though it would mean avoiding the cat allergies, which would be very, very nice, it would also mean that I would be avoiding writing this screenplay and tomorrow that would feel really ‘not-happy’.

So here I go, back to writing……

17,004 words down. 2,796 words to go.

NEXT: The End-Roll Credits? – Click here*

Day 16 –

I got a tweet from one of my favorite writer/director/filmmakers, Edward Burns yesterday. It made my day.  I had just been whining about how maybe I shouldn’t have gotten back onto Twitter and Facebook (I took a 3 month Social Media Sabbatical) because sometimes it just sucks the energy right out of me.  And then I get this note from Ed.  Or Burnsie. What should I call him now that we’re best friends?

Anyway, how cool is that?

The very first thing I did was copy the tweet and post it on my Facebook & Twitter pages.  Then I woke up at 2:30am thinking about it.  I couldn’t go back to sleep. Something was bothering me.  This article I read in Salon.com about how social media is one big “Look at me! Look at me!’ kept running circles in my head. Specifically, this quote:

“It’s a never-ending race to remind others that we’re here, that we exist.  It reminds me of when I used to do dance routines and little plays for my mom.  “Look!”  I’d yell every few seconds.  “You’re NOT watching! Look!”  It gets exhausting.  And it’s not really living……  I don’t need to broadcast my life on a daily basis.”

So I got out of bed and deleted both posts. I did reply to Ed/Burnsie, though. I’m not a (complete) idiot!.

The thing that woke me up in the middle of the night and pulled me out of bed was this:

1. Nobody else really gives a shit that Ed Burns read my blog (except, of course, ME and possibly my mother, although I’d probably have to explain to her exactly who he is and she doesn’t even follow me on twitter) and…
2. I could use this feeling, the little bump in excitement and inspiration, to draw more creative writing out of myself.

If I tweet it out then I dilute it’s power.

If I post it on my Facebook page, a select few will read it and maybe a couple of them will respond to it or “like” it.  But it’s just a moment and then it’s gone. And more and more of these “moments” that I’m sharing are starting to feel like self-indulgent or even desperate pleas of “Look at Me!”

If I take this moment and put it into my writing then I have it forever. I’m using my life as an inspiration to create something.

Does that make any sense?

Well, it made perfect sense to me at 3 in the morning. And I couldn’t help but whisper to myself “Put it in the dance”. (funny quote from an old SNL skit- the Demarco Brothers audition for Brittney Spears) which means, take all of that energy, excitement, angst, inspiration and passion and put it into your life.

Here’s another quote from the Salon.com article that really moved me.

“It’s all the mental and creative energy spent on words that don’t even get archived. It’s all the tweets that could have been conversations with my family. All the words I could have poured into poems or lines of dialogue or essays. All the thoughts that should not be formatted, reduced, condensed to 140 characters. All the ideas meant for mulling. It’s the idea that thinking is not a performance, hard as that can be for someone like me to accept.” 

Maybe it’s that I’m constantly waiting for acknowledgement or feedback when I put things out there. And when there’s not “enough” (will there ever be enough?) likes and retweets I feel disappointed.  Or maybe it’s that there really are people out there that aren’t so happy for you and they read your tweets or status updates and they send you snarky-ness or negative energy.  And then you feel that.

So, I’m not sure what the answer is for me yet. I know how excited I was when I got that tweet from Ed/Burnsie.  And I want more of that feeling.  But that feeling didn’t come from tweeting and facebooking. That feeling came from my writing.  Writing something that mattered to me and then putting it out there.  I know that writing this screenplay will be an accomplishment that matters to me.  I don’t think I’ll be thinking about a particular tweet or a facebook status next year.  But I will be celebrating the fact that I finished my first screenplay.  And I’ll be celebrating the fact that I focused on my writing and wrote something that I’d been dreaming about for more than 10 years.

Finishing this screenplay and focusing on my writing are things that I know will bring me great joy and create a profound sense of accomplishment this year.  So I’m going to focus on that. Finish the damn screenplay.  Do my work.

15,522 words down.  4,278 to go.

Paula does a spit take

Day 14: Word count= 13,378

(That’s 478 more than my schedule!)

I’m starting to worry that I won’t be done with the story by the time I’ve hit my word count.

I have the opposite of writer’s block.  I have too MUCH to write.

That’s a really nice feeling.  The story is moving along, however boring it seems.  I’m not sure if my writing is matching the pictures in my head.  I don’t think my dialog is very “snappy”.

Nora Ephron writes “snappy” dialog:

HARRY: You realize, of course, that we could never be friends.

SALLY: Why not?

HARRY: What I’m saying-and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form- is that men and women can’t be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.

SALLY: That’s not true.  I have a number of men friends and there’s no sex involved.

HARRY: No, you don’t.

SALLY: Yes, I do.

HARRY: No, you don’t.

SALLY: Yes, I do.

HARRY: You only think you do.

SALLY: You’re saying I’m having sex with these men without my knowledge?

HARRY: No, I’m saying they all want to have sex with you.

SALLY: They do not.

HARRY: Do too.

SALLY: They do not.

HARRY: Do too.

SALLY: How do you know?

HARRY: Because no man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive.  He always wants to have sex with her.

SALLY: So you’re saying a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.

HARRY: No. You pretty much want to nail them, too.

See? Snappy dialog. I don’t have any of that. I’m just writing the scenes as I see them in my head. My characters are having conversations and I’m writing the dialog the way regular people talk and I’m afraid it’s really, really boring.

Why is it so hard to capture a story or a scene or a feeling that’s so vivid in our minds?

Sometimes the words just lay on the page like dead fish, completely uninspired.  And yet other times the words spring to life, dancing across the page like butterflies spreading magic unicorns and rainbows as they land.

Back to my mantra, which is, be willing to write a really shitty first draft. I will worry about replacing dead fish with butterflies and unicorns later. That’s the brilliance of Anne Lamott. Here’s one of my favorite passages from her essay “Shitty First Drafts” in Bird by Bird.

I know some great writers, writers you love who write beautifully and have made a great deal of money, and not one of them sits down routinely feeling wildly enthusiastic and confident. Not one of them writes elegant first drafts. All right, one of them does, but we do not like her very much…Very few writers really know what they’re doing until they’ve done it.

So, my job is to stop worrying about whether it’s any good.  I can always make it better later.  For now, I must be willing to suck at this and simply focus on getting it done.

No matter how awful it is when I am finished, I will still be finished! right?

Right.

Back to work.

Day 15 – 6:17am

I can barely focus my eyes to read the words on the screen.  It feels like I’m in the home stretch now.

Seven more writing days.

It’s somewhat of a relief because I know I will meet my word count, but it’s also a little scary because it feels like I’m nowhere near wrapping up this story.

A few days ago, I ran into my daughter’s friend’s mother, who also happens to be a writer, I mentioned that I was doing this “push to finish my first screenplay” before we leave for Sundance. She said, “Oh that’s great! You’ll be able to give it to people at Sundance!”

Paula does a spit take

I did one of those spit takes.

Is she friggin’ crazy?!

Just to clarify, in case I have not been perfectly clear.  I am NOT finishing this screenplay so that I can give it to anyone, especially anyone I might meet at Sundance. That feels like screenwriting suicide.

I’m pushing so hard to finish this first draft of my screenplay so that I can meet the goal I was inspired to create last year, when I was in Park City amongst so many inspiring filmmakers and I knew I had to finally write this screenplay that’s been dancing around in my brain for more than ten years.

I am doing this for the personal satisfaction of knowing that I set an intention last year and I did what I said I would do.

I know people who have been writing their first screenplay for more than fifteen years and they have still not finished.

I have an intimate relationship with that kind of procrastination and fear.  I’m doing this push so that I can move on in my life.  Having this screenplay project unfinished is like carrying around a hundred pound bag of rocks. It’s the big ‘some day, hopefully, maybe dream’ that won’t get off my back.  So, physically getting it off my back within the year, will be a major accomplishment.  Finishing this first draft will be cause for celebration.  And once it’s done, then I will start thinking about the next step.  For now, I’m just putting my butt in a chair and writing every single day, until that word count reads 19,800.

Hierarchy of goals:

1. Finish the damn screenplay.
2. Be proud that I finished & celebrate.
3. Edit, edit, edit and get excited about the finished screenplay.
4. Show it to people who know absolutely nothing about screenplays.
5. Show it to people who do know about writing screenplays.
6. Edit, edit, edit and then write 10 more screenplays.

I am certain there will be a shift once I’ve finished it.  But you see, when I’m still writing the first draft of my very first screenplay, it all feels like a giant, silly dream.  And if I skip to number 4 or 5 or 6 in the hierarchy my inner critic kicks in hard and screams things like “You are SUCH a dreamer!” “Who do you think you are?” “You can’t do that!” “You SUCK!” (remember that one?)

So, for now, I will just focus on #1.

Finish the damn screenplay.  14,486 words down, 5,314 to go.

NEXT: Edward Burns Reads My Blog- Click here*